We live in a society of screens. We believe that this keeps us connected and we have the feeling that we are never alone because there is always someone on the other side with whom we can establish some kind of contact. Without realizing it, our real life merges with the virtual one until there is no trace of the person we used to be. Can you become diluted in this sea of wires and their tangled binary code? It all depends on you…
I was still sitting in front of the computer. How long had I been like this? She had no idea. The contact page was open in the background while she decided to log in and sign up. Why was it so hard for her to make decisions? Even a simple one like that. In any case, something had to be done. Ever since Luisa, her inseparable friend, had started dating Daniel, she felt more lonely than usual. And that was saying too much because it seemed to her that she had never fit in anywhere. She was so fed up with everything.
Ever since she was little, she’d had a hard time relating to others. That damn shyness had bound her hand and foot all her life, and she hadn’t been able to overcome it over the years. She felt a kind of learned helplessness and an almost out-of-body block when she had to face social situations that involved interacting with strangers. Worst of all, strangers rarely became acquaintances, since she could never think of topics to talk about. And, of course, she was never the one to break the ice or initiate a conversation. That was almost unthinkable. How could she dare to go on a date with someone she had only interacted with online? She would worry about that later. Maybe it wouldn’t be necessary to get to know each other and it would be enough to have someone on the other side of the screen. After all, it was a way to feel connected and, at the same time, chase away that damned feeling of loneliness and abandonment.
It had been a long time since her last date. And, as usual, it hadn’t gone too well. The few times she had gone out with men, it had been thanks to double dates in which Luisa had invited a friend of her partner. No relationship too seriously. But now… With Daniel it seemed that things were serious. Damn it! He had her absorbed. She hardly had time for anything else. It had never been like this before. And she still needed her friend. Who was she going out with now? Who was she going to talk to? She didn’t feel like looking for new friends.
Anger made her get on the dating website without further ado. She surprised herself by deciding to do it, she who was always hesitant about the smallest decision. She registered and filled in all the data, although she made up the reality of the situation. To be honest, that’s an understatement because nothing she was writing bore any resemblance to reality. She had never felt comfortable in her skin, that was the truth, so why not invent an alternate self? There was no danger involved, as far as she knew. She wouldn’t even have to use her real name if she didn’t want to. On the net she could show herself as she would like to be in reality. Almost compulsively, she began to fill out the form.
TO BE CONTINUED…
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